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Oct. 5th, 2013

DMT. The Spirit Molecule

Over a year ago, I wrote this on my first experience with DMT, Dimethyltryptamine. Revisiting it, it brings back the wonders of everything. How it all happened.
Last night, two very good friends and I decided to venture into the void.
It's a really odd mix, and to be honest I feel like this needs to be a little longer than it probably should, so I'm sorry for that if this drags on..
DMT entered my life a few years ago after hearing about it while reading Terence McKenna books, listening to Joe Rogan talk about it, etc, etc. When I heard about it, I had never done any kind of psychedelics in my life. After fruitlessly searching for it for months and months, I gave up.
I met my friends 8 months ago in the desert. We instantly hit it off, turns out that when we were 500 miles away we figured out we lived 100 yards away back in the city that we're from. We all started hanging out on a regular basis, and I introduced them to what DMT is via the same route that I found out. They were as interested as I was, but again a fruitless search warranted no yields.
Fast forward to March 1st, 2012. Both my friend and I who are the ones who really want to do this, both get text messages from long lost friends (different people) at almost the same time (one hour apart) saying they had DMT, and a way for us to get it.
March 2nd, 2012. We get the DMT, and with it we have new found nerves that we didnt have before haha, which is expected I'm sure.. We all get together that evening, and go to the closest liquor store to get a bottle to try and make a machine, liquor store stopped selling single shooters. We go to a headshop to get a bubble pipe, all 3 headshops are closed at 9pm on a Friday night.
I was feeling like this was a sign for us to wait another day.
Everything I was told had happened, you don't find DMT, DMT finds you, and you go with it.
March 3rd, 2012. A morning that yielded a very strange day.. my best friend's father died from a sudden heart attack, my girlfriend had one of the worst mornings of her life at work, a lot of random people I encountered throughout the day were just rude, and it was a very strange vibe kind of morning. Fast forward to the evening, my friends and I have everything we need to actually do this.
One of my friends, has a very dark past with burying things instead of dealing with them, and is out rightly nervous about doing this for fear of a dark, bad trip. After psyching himself up, and us telling him to just dive in, he goes. 3..2..1.. blast off 'I'm losing you guys...'
After 5-6 minutes, he comes back. With absolutely nothing but amazement and love. "That was AMAZING, there is absolutely NOTHING to be worried about, oh my god, I have never felt so much love and caring ever in my life.. there were.. arms, welcoming me and pointing into a portal, like, hey!! come here!! check this out!!'
None of us had enough of a dose to 'break through' but we all had enough to go for a deep swim.. about 33.3mg each.
My turn.. I'm nervous still, after the events of the day, I've never really done psychedelics before except 2 mild mushroom trips.
3..2..1.. Everything has turned into a Van Goh painting, then BAM! a wave of light crashes into it and everything explodes into colors. A galaxy, I get nervous, and then this presence in the galaxy notices me getting nervous, and I feel her take .. consideration of me being nervous? She says, 'don't worry, this is for you' and this glowing galaxy of rainbow colored light dances for me in the most seductive, loving, caring and most beautiful dance I've ever seen, then she takes my hand and we spiral into a portal, but as we were spiraling, we both kind of tell each other 'there's not enough to keep going' and she gently let me go as I came back to earth..
I'm going to try to elaborate a little more..
This galaxy was a full blown galaxy, tengral arms, spirals, there was nothing else it could have been in my head. I mentioned 'her, and she' a few times.. I had an OVERWHELMING feeling that this galaxy was an absolute feminine beautiful woman. She danced in a rhythmic vibration of the universe, hair (tengral arms) whipping around, I felt like it loved me for who I am and who I want to be.
Last friend is up
3..2..1.. He got transported to a city of light, being held in the hands of a giant woman who was giving him the energy of the universe, in the palms of her hand, presenting it to him. He said it was beautiful, so beautiful that he didn't want to leave.

Untitled poem!

Some women say they want the man of the artsy type
Some women say they want a man to protect them
This man has been given the run around before
What is this man
I am the warrior with a soul
The man who will keep you safe
I can write words to paper and make them sound great
I can break your enemies jaw without a hesitate
I can track that which is not wanting to be found
I can walk a million miles on this ground
What do you call this warrior with a soul
To watch your lover grow towards another
I know I could win the fight, with utmost ease
But it's not worth it baby
Go be a sleeze
You weren't ready when you had me
Now you have less
I'll be wandering the globe
Loving all I caress
As I am
The warrior poet
As I am
A chaotic soul in harmony with all
Makes me the calmest warrior who cannot fall
Makes these words flow to me
As if they are all I can speak
Continue chasing your artsy boys
I'll be honing my skills
I'll be the man who needs no ploys
For my arms are thick and my steel is sharp
My mind doesn't falter
Not even when it's dark


Too many places still to see, people talk and talk and talk.
The journey is never going to be easy, people stop and stop and stop.
To go is to be different, outcastes.
To stay Is to be normal, the 'couch-caste'
I grew up with stories of heroes, traveling lands far and wide,
These days the evil is a bankers quick lie.
I will not sit still, for life to pass by.
Onward, the journey is there.
I will go, and travel far, far, far.
For this life is all we get,
Alas, when were both old an weak, who will be the one to all the kids of kids speak?
The couch caste man, who never journeyed afar?
Or the modern day hero, who walked more miles than you drive in your car.

Oct. 26th, 2012

Cloud Atlas

Cloud Atlas was a brilliant read, from start to finish.
Quite a happy coincidence that I finished the book on the day the film comes out. Heading to see it this evening.


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Oct. 24th, 2012


Honor is everything to me. If you know me, even for a small amount of time, you figure that out rather quickly. As I sit here in this corporate coffee chain store, waiting for a girl I love to get off of work so we can spend our afternoon together, the idea of 'words are wind' is an alarming measure to little things in life right now.   

The girl who I speak of, uses words to write songs, I use words to reinforce ideas, and come up with new ideas. Words can be used in so many facets of life it's almost impossible to simplify what can or cannot be accomplished with words.  Though after the thick of it all, words are wind. What mindlessness are these letters that I put together to make an idea for which to create something out of nothing that will in the end still be nothing? 

Losing yourself in thought can happen easily.

If it's winded words that flow from my mind to the tips of my fingers in writing this, I decree that it's heartfelt and luminous to my mind. But the steel in my bones and iron in my muscles will prove in time. I would drop my life and hope you read the fine print of what it is that I choose to merit in my heart. You will know it or not. Know my soul.
Winded words flow from my mind to the tips of my fingers which you may think is fine but only one can kiss them and it's probably not you.
And if it is then I choose to say that you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes upon and while you are not here right now you are in my heart and without these words we would be forever apart.
For I am in love. 
As is she.
As is she. 

The core of it all

I feel like writing is essential to personal growth and development. To write, express language, it's needed in life to progress. Reading is good for letting the mind learn, but to really grow.. I feel that you need to use the words your brain stores in it's endless maze of connections and memories. Get them out in any way you can.. Write, sing, draw, paint..
More so than writing, reflection, journalling, listening to yourself and your desires. To truly follow what you want to do is more difficult now than it ever has been. You can't just go out and set off on a journey to figure out what you want, things are 'expected' of you. Go to school, get a degree, get a job, get a house, find a mate, have children, settle down. That's the life that is for the 'modern man'. What if it's the life of the hero that we want? Are we shamed into defeat, set to follow a path that is already predestined to give you nothing that you really care for in life?
Not many people can use their hands anymore to create things they love. I'm one of them. I wish I was skilled at painting, music, or crafting. I haven't found an opportunity for myself to take it to be able to learn one of the arts or crafts I desire to learn. 
Writing is essential for me. I love to write poetry. I may not be good at it, but it makes me feel nice to put paper to pen and allow the words to flow out of my mind onto the parchment. It's just a hobby. 
We all need hobbies.